Quare

Who, oh who on earth are you
who has made these feelings feel so true?
What, oh what should I do
when sometimes all I think about is you?

When, oh when would I be able to let you know
that I love to see your lovely glow?
Where, oh where did Cupid go?
Why'd he fail to shoot the arrow?

Why, oh why did you enter my life
when you haven't left the other's life?
How, oh how do I survive?
'cause when I see you,
my heart takes a knife.

Dreaming still?

I cleave the water open.

I still see her on the shore.

She waves to me. She seems to have finally acknowledged me. Yes! She did call out to me. I knew it. She had to.

A power surge.

I have to. I have to get back to the shore. I have to be reunited with her. I don't wanna let her go. I can't let her go. She means to much to me. I hold her too dearly.

There are times when your entire will can force your lifeless,shattered soul to move but now I can barely stay afloat.

Then there was hope.

She threw a straw at me. A straw???

Well, at least it is better than nothing. Perhaps now she is putting in the effort, I think.

I clutch at the straws as if they were diamonds. No, a better description would be i held them as if it was her. Using this miniscule,tiny aid, I struggle to stay afloat while trying to swim back to shore. No matter how pointless the battle is, no matter how I am tossed about like a ragged doll, I push on though my progress seems to backward rather than forward.

She throws another straw, and another. And with each straw she throws, I gain that little bit more strength, that little more hope and that little more motivation. Maybe,just maybe I can do this. Maybe, I'll be able to stand beside her again.

Maybe, this pain will all go away.

Then, I notice something at her feet. A life buoy.

Why? Why is she still throwing me straws? Why? Why can't she just throw the life buoy to me? Why? Why am I always left behind?

Almost as if hearing the screams from my heart, she picks up the life buoy and looks at it. Then, she looks at the sea again. Again, she looks at the life buoy. She seems deep in thought. She is thinking. Thinking if she should throw it to me perhaps. Fiddling with the life buoy, she deliberates, ignoring the perilous situation I am in.

She will throw it to me. Won't she?

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Dropping the life buoy, she walks away, I guess, for good, leaving me stranded, smashed into smithereens.

This time, I drown.

A Handful of Sand

It is almost like holding onto sand,
This relationship we share. Or perhaps,
It has been one-sided, after all.
When I hold loosely, everything
Just seems to slip out of my hand,
With nothing left behind. And yet,
if I hold on too tightly,it seems that
I'm squeezing out all that we have,
We share slowly but definitely surely.
So what should I do now?
Would you cup your hands with mine to prevent us from losing all?
Just say that you will hold on with me,
Just tell me you will stay. Don't leave and cast me away
As I desperately try to protect everything from slipping away.


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Unintentional sonnet, it just came out this way...

Still dreaming?

A shout stirs me from sinking stupor.

A shout. But from who? Would it be you? Can it be you?

Is it really from you?

There, I hear it again. It is a shout, a shout undeniably from you. But I don't know if you are shouting for me. I cannot hear what you are shouting for. I'm hoping it is for me, for me to survive and for me to be by your side. It has to be. Am I wrong?

I have to be correct. Don't I?

Beaten and broken, lost and forsaken, I scavenge what remains of me, if any. I hold tremulously and tenderly the little, flimsy hope that she is calling out to me.

No one, but me.

Just a dream?

I am paddling in a boat. Alone. I am trying to paddle to the shore where I see you standing.

You. You are standing at the shore. You're looking at me. No. Even that I cannot be sure. You may be looking at me, or you may be looking at the distant horizons.

I am trying to paddle to the shore. The shore that you are standing on. The tides push me back, punishing me, preventing me from bridging the distance.

I push back even harder, paddling even stronger. Dare I venture to say with a power Hercules would be awestruck by. Every muscle in my body bellows with rage, single-mindedly inching the gap smaller.

I draw closer to the shore but you still seem to not have noticed me. I scream to gain your attention but I am met with nothing.

With each scream met with indifference, the waves seem to get powered up. Every muscle fiber trembles but I do not give up. I do not dare to give up. I do not want to give up.

Slowly,I get overpowered. I am swallowed whole by a last tidal wave. But all this time you do not notice me. Or, perhaps, you have chosen to ignore me.

I lose my boat and my paddle. I am beaten and broken. Every muscle is torn,ripped into pieces.

My heart crumbles and I break down. But all this time you still are preoccupied by something else.

I sink.

JUST a haunted character

Can you just stay and stop going away?
Have you not been told I'm selfish
And hate standing far at bay?
Really, can you not touch my anguish
Mocked by your leaves and absence
Aggravated by your wavering presence?
In all pretense of realities, you may
Not acknowlege my being, much less
Esteem my feelings. Isn't it wrong to say so?

'Cause I have already done a redemption with my
Heart and i do hope you give me for its worth
Unless perhaps it no longer has any value?
Nay, just as you deny not a man of his just pay
Give to me for all of my love I'm willing to lay.

Facets of Impermanence

Changed Too

Initially when she left, Karl, still lost in booze, thought less of it, deciding in his delirium she would return. Only after weeks passed did he realise the severity of his actions, snapping back to humanity. Having already lost Phoebe to his vices, he knew he could not now lose Kyra. If losing Phoebe meant losing himself, losing Kyra would be tantamount to an utter obliteration of his life itself.

In his first treatment, he worked with an intense determination and discipline but now in his second he slaved relentlessly in ways no words could describe. He knew that he had to get Kyra back and, to do that, he had to show at the very least he had changed. He did not want to be an Alex Rivers. He would dodge all trappings of fame and fortune and gladly settle down, leading a quiet life with her.

But when he had finished treatment and looked for her, Kyra could not be found. Using all ways and means, Kyra was nowhere to be found. It was almost as if she had never appeared in his life and never did give him new life. Her very existence seemed to be a sordid reverie. Until 2 months later, in mid-April, on their anniversary, Karl received a letter, written in familiar, nostalgic handwriting.

Taking it religiously, he delicately disclosed it :

"To karL:

When you've received this, I would have been overseas, embarking on a 6-month exchange programme. I hope you're doing well. Heard you've done a great job cleansing yourself of alcohol(for good, this time I hope).

I'm sorry for having left you so abruptly but I really can't take it anymore. As much as I love you and as much as it hurts to leave you when I loved you, I'm afraid of what might happen in the future. Perhaps we weren't meant to be or perhaps you and I have good chances of being able to work out well, I'll never know. But what you did to me that night reminded of some unwanted past. Just as I remind you of Phoebe, you remind me of my history. Perhaps I didn't even love you. Possibly I just loved how you bring me back to the past. I just can't handle love anymore. Maybe I can't even love anymore. I don't know what love is now...

I'm going to try further my career. If all goes well, I might stay longer than 6 months. I don't expect you to wait for me because that’s making you second choice in my life and it wouldn’t be good or fair for you.

In any case, I'm writing to you so you'll have a peace of mind. Please forgive me. I really didn't mean to hurt you. I hope you've gained from me as much as I've taken from you.

Kyra. "

Putting the letter back into the envelope, Karl felt dry of emotions. He could not cry nor could he feel the excruciating pain searing through his entity. He failed to grasp and let slip away what was most important, most exquisite, most precious and most valuable once again. For the second time, he allowed himself to be enticed by fame and fortune. He had again chased away his most beloved. This time around, he personally saw to the thorough extermination of his life...

"No. It isn't over yet. I will prove to her my love. Be it 6 months, 6 years, 6 decades or even 6 centuries, I will wait for her. No matter how long it takes, no matter how much I have to go through..."



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This marks the end of Facets of Impermanence(this arc, at least). Will probably only come back to this if some miracle happens.

Sorry if the quality hasn't been that good. I admit I've regressed. But I hope it was still enjoyable!