Changed Too
Initially when she left, Karl, still lost in booze, thought less of it, deciding in his delirium she would return. Only after weeks passed did he realise the severity of his actions, snapping back to humanity. Having already lost Phoebe to his vices, he knew he could not now lose Kyra. If losing Phoebe meant losing himself, losing Kyra would be tantamount to an utter obliteration of his life itself.
In his first treatment, he worked with an intense determination and discipline but now in his second he slaved relentlessly in ways no words could describe. He knew that he had to get Kyra back and, to do that, he had to show at the very least he had changed. He did not want to be an Alex Rivers. He would dodge all trappings of fame and fortune and gladly settle down, leading a quiet life with her.
But when he had finished treatment and looked for her, Kyra could not be found. Using all ways and means, Kyra was nowhere to be found. It was almost as if she had never appeared in his life and never did give him new life. Her very existence seemed to be a sordid reverie. Until 2 months later, in mid-April, on their anniversary, Karl received a letter, written in familiar, nostalgic handwriting.
Taking it religiously, he delicately disclosed it :
"To karL:
When you've received this, I would have been overseas, embarking on a 6-month exchange programme. I hope you're doing well. Heard you've done a great job cleansing yourself of alcohol(for good, this time I hope).
I'm sorry for having left you so abruptly but I really can't take it anymore. As much as I love you and as much as it hurts to leave you when I loved you, I'm afraid of what might happen in the future. Perhaps we weren't meant to be or perhaps you and I have good chances of being able to work out well, I'll never know. But what you did to me that night reminded of some unwanted past. Just as I remind you of Phoebe, you remind me of my history. Perhaps I didn't even love you. Possibly I just loved how you bring me back to the past. I just can't handle love anymore. Maybe I can't even love anymore. I don't know what love is now...
I'm going to try further my career. If all goes well, I might stay longer than 6 months. I don't expect you to wait for me because that’s making you second choice in my life and it wouldn’t be good or fair for you.
In any case, I'm writing to you so you'll have a peace of mind. Please forgive me. I really didn't mean to hurt you. I hope you've gained from me as much as I've taken from you.
Kyra. "
Putting the letter back into the envelope, Karl felt dry of emotions. He could not cry nor could he feel the excruciating pain searing through his entity. He failed to grasp and let slip away what was most important, most exquisite, most precious and most valuable once again. For the second time, he allowed himself to be enticed by fame and fortune. He had again chased away his most beloved. This time around, he personally saw to the thorough extermination of his life...
"No. It isn't over yet. I will prove to her my love. Be it 6 months, 6 years, 6 decades or even 6 centuries, I will wait for her. No matter how long it takes, no matter how much I have to go through..."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This marks the end of Facets of Impermanence(this arc, at least). Will probably only come back to this if some miracle happens.
Sorry if the quality hasn't been that good. I admit I've regressed. But I hope it was still enjoyable!
Monday, 5 July 2010
Saturday, 26 June 2010
Facets of Impermanence
Changed
"Oh my gosh...What have I done? How could I have hurt her so deeply?" Karl grilled himself. Only 2 weeks ago had Kyra and he agreed to convene at the most sacred of ceremonies but now he had hurt her so badly that the relationship seemed beyond repairs.
Liberated from his addictions, Karl and his renewed image caught the nation's attention as the prodigal son had finally returned home. With his fortunes on the up, Karl rejuvenated his music career, vowing to keep strictly to the straight path this rime round. His re-captured fame catapulted him to the upper echleons of stardom and soon he had to grace many high-profile functions. Despite all his commitments and his loss of quiet, he never neglected Kyra nor so much as not include her in his daily routine. Their relationship remained strong and wedding preparations steamed ahead.
However, with all the glitz, fame and fortune, Temptation brought Karl frequently to have a drink. It first began with an obligatory drink for socializing but soon unraveled into a drinking binge almost everyday. Though he used to drink to drown his sorrows, now he could not rid himself of the longing for the bottle even if he didn't have a reason to drink. Slowly, Karl began to return home inebriated until one certain night he did not return at all.
One night became two and two to four. His disappearances became frequent and normal. Kyra who at the beginning tried to understand Karl's position began to start questioning Karl. No matter how famous he was, it was no reason to return home in a drunken stupor or sometimes never at all! Promises to stop were made and broken as fast as Karl could down a Martell. Sooner or later, it was going to lead to a confrontation. And a confrontation it was.
Karl stumbled home wasted as usual but only this time he had the audacity to carry a bottle home. Razor-sharp words were fired, accusations shot and, in the midst, one befuddled hand was raised and astutely exploded across Kyra's face. A man who was so loving, so understanding, a man who she had helped raise from the ashes, a man who never before so much as raised his voice towards her had reminded her how cruel love can be. With that slap which brought excessive physical pain, her heart fragmentized into smithereens with the multifold emotional hurt.
She had no choice. She could tolerate it no longer. For the second time in her life, the second man she loved had abused her, perhaps not always physically but definitely emotionally. She made her decision and resolved to walk away, no matter how much it would hurt her to tear herself away from Karl. And, silently, she walked away, trying desperately to erase her existence from Karl's life.
"Oh my gosh...What have I done? How could I have hurt her so deeply?" Karl grilled himself. Only 2 weeks ago had Kyra and he agreed to convene at the most sacred of ceremonies but now he had hurt her so badly that the relationship seemed beyond repairs.
Liberated from his addictions, Karl and his renewed image caught the nation's attention as the prodigal son had finally returned home. With his fortunes on the up, Karl rejuvenated his music career, vowing to keep strictly to the straight path this rime round. His re-captured fame catapulted him to the upper echleons of stardom and soon he had to grace many high-profile functions. Despite all his commitments and his loss of quiet, he never neglected Kyra nor so much as not include her in his daily routine. Their relationship remained strong and wedding preparations steamed ahead.
However, with all the glitz, fame and fortune, Temptation brought Karl frequently to have a drink. It first began with an obligatory drink for socializing but soon unraveled into a drinking binge almost everyday. Though he used to drink to drown his sorrows, now he could not rid himself of the longing for the bottle even if he didn't have a reason to drink. Slowly, Karl began to return home inebriated until one certain night he did not return at all.
One night became two and two to four. His disappearances became frequent and normal. Kyra who at the beginning tried to understand Karl's position began to start questioning Karl. No matter how famous he was, it was no reason to return home in a drunken stupor or sometimes never at all! Promises to stop were made and broken as fast as Karl could down a Martell. Sooner or later, it was going to lead to a confrontation. And a confrontation it was.
Karl stumbled home wasted as usual but only this time he had the audacity to carry a bottle home. Razor-sharp words were fired, accusations shot and, in the midst, one befuddled hand was raised and astutely exploded across Kyra's face. A man who was so loving, so understanding, a man who she had helped raise from the ashes, a man who never before so much as raised his voice towards her had reminded her how cruel love can be. With that slap which brought excessive physical pain, her heart fragmentized into smithereens with the multifold emotional hurt.
She had no choice. She could tolerate it no longer. For the second time in her life, the second man she loved had abused her, perhaps not always physically but definitely emotionally. She made her decision and resolved to walk away, no matter how much it would hurt her to tear herself away from Karl. And, silently, she walked away, trying desperately to erase her existence from Karl's life.
Saturday, 19 June 2010
Facets of Impermanence
The Constant Change
It was amazing how Kyra seemed to love every place Phoebe loved, react almost the exact way she had and appreciated every little thing Karl did. She reveled in the almost obscene attention Karl gave her, enjoying his companionship and downpours of love. Karl, on the other hand, relived his best memories spent with Phoebe, deeply heartened by the chance to have found his same amazing wife in another. It was as if the two had belonged to the same beauty but cleaved apart in perfect identity.
But he knew that they were still somewhat different. Kyra no doubt had shown a different change from Phoebe. She was burdened by Life's yoke and expended everything, trying to keep pace with Life's travails. Her smile belied intense regret and her words betrayed excessive thought, perhaps trying hard to keep her distance. Karl knew better than to ask even though he desperately wanted to know. After all, he had his same share of troubles and despairs.
A whirlwind romance, it was not. Both parties were very much in bliss, enjoying the support and attention the other gave. Having both experienced much and aplenty, petty squabbles were extinct and quarrels were few and far between. However, Karl still wasn't sure if he was ready to make the jump and ask for her hand.
After all, his heart hadn't forgotten Phoebe. He was afraid he was treating Kyra as a substitute, no more than a mere transference of feelings to one similar to Phoebe. He was scared he had not changed enough for the better. He was fearful to hurt her. He was terrified to lose her.
Yet, he knew it was different. He wasn't just treating Kyra Phoebe's substitute. In her very own way, she had entered the very depths of his heart and planted herself even deeper than Phoebe did. He knew, for sure, after so many years he was finally going to make a right decision.
But that's when disaster struck.
It was amazing how Kyra seemed to love every place Phoebe loved, react almost the exact way she had and appreciated every little thing Karl did. She reveled in the almost obscene attention Karl gave her, enjoying his companionship and downpours of love. Karl, on the other hand, relived his best memories spent with Phoebe, deeply heartened by the chance to have found his same amazing wife in another. It was as if the two had belonged to the same beauty but cleaved apart in perfect identity.
But he knew that they were still somewhat different. Kyra no doubt had shown a different change from Phoebe. She was burdened by Life's yoke and expended everything, trying to keep pace with Life's travails. Her smile belied intense regret and her words betrayed excessive thought, perhaps trying hard to keep her distance. Karl knew better than to ask even though he desperately wanted to know. After all, he had his same share of troubles and despairs.
A whirlwind romance, it was not. Both parties were very much in bliss, enjoying the support and attention the other gave. Having both experienced much and aplenty, petty squabbles were extinct and quarrels were few and far between. However, Karl still wasn't sure if he was ready to make the jump and ask for her hand.
After all, his heart hadn't forgotten Phoebe. He was afraid he was treating Kyra as a substitute, no more than a mere transference of feelings to one similar to Phoebe. He was scared he had not changed enough for the better. He was fearful to hurt her. He was terrified to lose her.
Yet, he knew it was different. He wasn't just treating Kyra Phoebe's substitute. In her very own way, she had entered the very depths of his heart and planted herself even deeper than Phoebe did. He knew, for sure, after so many years he was finally going to make a right decision.
But that's when disaster struck.
Thursday, 17 June 2010
One in Two
Perhaps we'd be like thunder and lightning- their fates
forever intertwined but destined never to make it together.
One streaks across the sky,
lighting the dark overcast skies
while the other rumbles through with no form,
only forewarning of the bewildering tempest.
Striking fast with blinding velocity,
he waits for his union, cantering behind
always coming in late sometimes never arriving,
with perfect patience with a grief-stricken smile.
Yet no thunder would exist without lightning
nor will she be able to ever rid him
from her totality; perhaps someday she'll finally see
that in all truth of truths she did belong to he.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Break from writing Facets of Impermanence...Just felt like writing the poem after coming up with the first few lines... Trying to work an inverse,free-verse sonnet...don't think there's such a thing...2nd stanza is a bit vague but it's talking about different forms which may range from beliefs to appearances(i.e a romantic versus practicality)..you'd probably be able to figure out the rest=)
forever intertwined but destined never to make it together.
One streaks across the sky,
lighting the dark overcast skies
while the other rumbles through with no form,
only forewarning of the bewildering tempest.
Striking fast with blinding velocity,
he waits for his union, cantering behind
always coming in late sometimes never arriving,
with perfect patience with a grief-stricken smile.
Yet no thunder would exist without lightning
nor will she be able to ever rid him
from her totality; perhaps someday she'll finally see
that in all truth of truths she did belong to he.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Break from writing Facets of Impermanence...Just felt like writing the poem after coming up with the first few lines... Trying to work an inverse,free-verse sonnet...don't think there's such a thing...2nd stanza is a bit vague but it's talking about different forms which may range from beliefs to appearances(i.e a romantic versus practicality)..you'd probably be able to figure out the rest=)
Saturday, 5 June 2010
Facets of Impermanence
The Continued Change
Kyra.
It was unfathomable how 2 women so unrelated could be so alike. Not just in appearance but also in bearing, not just in personality but also in character; the most incredible thing was both of them sparked in Karl his willingness to selfless sacrifice for their happiness. Both induced a change so deep and poignant that Karl would resolve to give them his best.
The road to rehabilitation was tough and arduous. It was not as if he had never tried getting back on his feet; it was just he never had that person holding him up, supporting him, ensuring that he didn't fall back down. But this time it was different. He had something to look forward to and someone there to help him even when he fell to the dire abyss of hopelessness. Even if she did not know him, Kyra was Karl's sole motivation and hope.
Seeing his persistent perseverance, Karl slowly endeared himself to Kyra. She had heard him to be a philanderer and hopeless drunkard but throughout his rehabilitation not only did he not make any overt moves on her, he showed untiring discipline to recover. She did not know why he often looked to her for affirmation nor did the most ridiculous things just to make her smile sometimes at the expense of himself. But she knew she enjoyed the attention and loved the way he carried himself.
Despite all the little dropped hints and devoted attention(he never did listen to the other nurses), it still came as a surprise when he asked for her number when he finished his rehabilitation. She hesitated and deliberated. After all, a leopard could never change its spots. Could it?
Sensing her hesitance, Karl knew not to push or badger her for it. He would move her with his earnest sincerity, just like with Phoebe. He visited the hospital everyday and looked at her work. It was amazing how blissful and fulfilled he felt just looking at her, a feeling he had lost with Phoebe. He took only what she wanted to give him, never asking her for anything nor expecting anything. He did not lavish extravagance, knowing it was transient, instead he did the things which were little but mattered most.
Little by little, Kyra was moved and realised Karl did not view her as just another conquest but really meant to make her happy. She decided to give him a chance to prove himself and, at the same time, give herself an opportunity.
Kyra.
It was unfathomable how 2 women so unrelated could be so alike. Not just in appearance but also in bearing, not just in personality but also in character; the most incredible thing was both of them sparked in Karl his willingness to selfless sacrifice for their happiness. Both induced a change so deep and poignant that Karl would resolve to give them his best.
The road to rehabilitation was tough and arduous. It was not as if he had never tried getting back on his feet; it was just he never had that person holding him up, supporting him, ensuring that he didn't fall back down. But this time it was different. He had something to look forward to and someone there to help him even when he fell to the dire abyss of hopelessness. Even if she did not know him, Kyra was Karl's sole motivation and hope.
Seeing his persistent perseverance, Karl slowly endeared himself to Kyra. She had heard him to be a philanderer and hopeless drunkard but throughout his rehabilitation not only did he not make any overt moves on her, he showed untiring discipline to recover. She did not know why he often looked to her for affirmation nor did the most ridiculous things just to make her smile sometimes at the expense of himself. But she knew she enjoyed the attention and loved the way he carried himself.
Despite all the little dropped hints and devoted attention(he never did listen to the other nurses), it still came as a surprise when he asked for her number when he finished his rehabilitation. She hesitated and deliberated. After all, a leopard could never change its spots. Could it?
Sensing her hesitance, Karl knew not to push or badger her for it. He would move her with his earnest sincerity, just like with Phoebe. He visited the hospital everyday and looked at her work. It was amazing how blissful and fulfilled he felt just looking at her, a feeling he had lost with Phoebe. He took only what she wanted to give him, never asking her for anything nor expecting anything. He did not lavish extravagance, knowing it was transient, instead he did the things which were little but mattered most.
Little by little, Kyra was moved and realised Karl did not view her as just another conquest but really meant to make her happy. She decided to give him a chance to prove himself and, at the same time, give herself an opportunity.
Saturday, 15 May 2010
Facets of Impermanence
The Changing
A stroke of luck, a twist of fate or perhaps life decided to make a u-turn. Karl always had a relatively smooth-sailing life but never could he have expected such an unexpected turn of events, such wanton, otherworldly shower of blessings. It was almost as if God is playing a prank of him, waiting for him to walk barefoot on the lush green only to pull the rug from under him.
And it did not take long for him to lose sight of his most precious, valuable treasure, amidst the thick,all-engulfing fog of new-found fame.
"Phoebe, I love you. Please forgive me."
Those words resounded so emptily and hollow in his choking voice. Those words which would've meant the world to his long-lost,long-gone wife. The words she had always wanted to hear. How bitterly he regretted his mistakes. And how he wished he could trade everything he had, even his own life, just to revive her.
Alcohol and drugs became his new wife, providing him with a brief reprieve,distraction from his deluge of guilt. His descent into oblivion and waste was even swifter than his ascent to fame and fortune. And yet, when all hope seemed to have abandoned him, a dazzling star shot through his darkened skies.
Kyra was just like every other girl. Or perhaps it would be better to say she was the exact opposite of them. As much as she was interested in a certain guy, she could never grab their interest. She had nothing to flaunt. No buxom figure for guys to ogle, no long hair to swish and attract attention, her looks were plain ordinary. She sought attention and yet no one actually took notice and bothered about her.
But it was this indistinctness which caught his eye. Having overstayed his welcome at his 19th bar, he was stumbling on to another when he collapsed on the sidewalk. He was stirred by the most melodic voice which used to wake him up every morning- Phoebe's. As his eyes fluttered open, he caught sight of an immaculate white-clad Phoebe. Except the name-tag wrote "Kyra".
A stroke of luck, a twist of fate or perhaps life decided to make a u-turn. Karl always had a relatively smooth-sailing life but never could he have expected such an unexpected turn of events, such wanton, otherworldly shower of blessings. It was almost as if God is playing a prank of him, waiting for him to walk barefoot on the lush green only to pull the rug from under him.
And it did not take long for him to lose sight of his most precious, valuable treasure, amidst the thick,all-engulfing fog of new-found fame.
"Phoebe, I love you. Please forgive me."
Those words resounded so emptily and hollow in his choking voice. Those words which would've meant the world to his long-lost,long-gone wife. The words she had always wanted to hear. How bitterly he regretted his mistakes. And how he wished he could trade everything he had, even his own life, just to revive her.
Alcohol and drugs became his new wife, providing him with a brief reprieve,distraction from his deluge of guilt. His descent into oblivion and waste was even swifter than his ascent to fame and fortune. And yet, when all hope seemed to have abandoned him, a dazzling star shot through his darkened skies.
Kyra was just like every other girl. Or perhaps it would be better to say she was the exact opposite of them. As much as she was interested in a certain guy, she could never grab their interest. She had nothing to flaunt. No buxom figure for guys to ogle, no long hair to swish and attract attention, her looks were plain ordinary. She sought attention and yet no one actually took notice and bothered about her.
But it was this indistinctness which caught his eye. Having overstayed his welcome at his 19th bar, he was stumbling on to another when he collapsed on the sidewalk. He was stirred by the most melodic voice which used to wake him up every morning- Phoebe's. As his eyes fluttered open, he caught sight of an immaculate white-clad Phoebe. Except the name-tag wrote "Kyra".
Monday, 3 May 2010
Creature
Befuddled by the heat of lust and steamy passion,
whether a perverse psycho or malevolent maniac,
he recognises not what he has become; but perhaps,
it was what he already is - a monstrous monstrosity
he created within and beneath that unmoving mask...
whether a perverse psycho or malevolent maniac,
he recognises not what he has become; but perhaps,
it was what he already is - a monstrous monstrosity
he created within and beneath that unmoving mask...
Monday, 8 March 2010
Saturday, 30 January 2010
For You and Me
Could Loneliness bear the taste
of heartache I partake in?
(I bet he has never tried such
perverse, bitter tastes in his entirety)
Could Hurt bear the sight
of pain I apprehend?
(I wager he has never descried
such obscene scenes in his entire life)
Could Sadness bear to feel
the sorrow I was mauled by?
(I daresay he has never
been maimed by such gilt-edged blades)
Could Loss bear to smell the stench
of emptiness I smell?
(I venture he never had a whiff of such
repulsive, sickening odours)
Could Fear bear to auscultate
the terror I heard screaming?
(I swear he has never suffered through
such chill-shuddering, wilting torments)
Indeed, I am no superman; for no heart,
extraordinary, could bear my flogging.
I am mere mortal, the epitome of weakness,
bearing the imposing scourge of Divinity's wrath
On this lonesome, brittle back of mine.
of heartache I partake in?
(I bet he has never tried such
perverse, bitter tastes in his entirety)
Could Hurt bear the sight
of pain I apprehend?
(I wager he has never descried
such obscene scenes in his entire life)
Could Sadness bear to feel
the sorrow I was mauled by?
(I daresay he has never
been maimed by such gilt-edged blades)
Could Loss bear to smell the stench
of emptiness I smell?
(I venture he never had a whiff of such
repulsive, sickening odours)
Could Fear bear to auscultate
the terror I heard screaming?
(I swear he has never suffered through
such chill-shuddering, wilting torments)
Indeed, I am no superman; for no heart,
extraordinary, could bear my flogging.
I am mere mortal, the epitome of weakness,
bearing the imposing scourge of Divinity's wrath
On this lonesome, brittle back of mine.
Friday, 1 January 2010
A New Year's Mess
Waht wlil be asingat me nxet yaer
I do not konw, nor do I wnat to
but i do konw i hpoe I'd do my bset,
why cnatilrey I sludohn't be my snoecd-bset!
I slahl rlovese not to rlovese
for rnoiloseuts are not ayawls
kpet; mroe otefn tahn not tehy're boekrn
or bnet to the cteraor's fcany by his hnad.
I hpoe the new yaer'll be ffutiurl,
the ssecucs rapeed wlil be bfoutinul
and the hpenisaps bwetesod atenply
for eyonerve wehtehr Tom,Dcik or Hrary.
I konw taht tihs mblume-jblume
deos not mkae any lacogil ssene
but tkae the erfoft,uvearnl tihs mses
I pimorse you'll be radey for tihs yaer's tset.
I do not konw, nor do I wnat to
but i do konw i hpoe I'd do my bset,
why cnatilrey I sludohn't be my snoecd-bset!
I slahl rlovese not to rlovese
for rnoiloseuts are not ayawls
kpet; mroe otefn tahn not tehy're boekrn
or bnet to the cteraor's fcany by his hnad.
I hpoe the new yaer'll be ffutiurl,
the ssecucs rapeed wlil be bfoutinul
and the hpenisaps bwetesod atenply
for eyonerve wehtehr Tom,Dcik or Hrary.
I konw taht tihs mblume-jblume
deos not mkae any lacogil ssene
but tkae the erfoft,uvearnl tihs mses
I pimorse you'll be radey for tihs yaer's tset.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)