Dreaming still?

I cleave the water open.

I still see her on the shore.

She waves to me. She seems to have finally acknowledged me. Yes! She did call out to me. I knew it. She had to.

A power surge.

I have to. I have to get back to the shore. I have to be reunited with her. I don't wanna let her go. I can't let her go. She means to much to me. I hold her too dearly.

There are times when your entire will can force your lifeless,shattered soul to move but now I can barely stay afloat.

Then there was hope.

She threw a straw at me. A straw???

Well, at least it is better than nothing. Perhaps now she is putting in the effort, I think.

I clutch at the straws as if they were diamonds. No, a better description would be i held them as if it was her. Using this miniscule,tiny aid, I struggle to stay afloat while trying to swim back to shore. No matter how pointless the battle is, no matter how I am tossed about like a ragged doll, I push on though my progress seems to backward rather than forward.

She throws another straw, and another. And with each straw she throws, I gain that little bit more strength, that little more hope and that little more motivation. Maybe,just maybe I can do this. Maybe, I'll be able to stand beside her again.

Maybe, this pain will all go away.

Then, I notice something at her feet. A life buoy.

Why? Why is she still throwing me straws? Why? Why can't she just throw the life buoy to me? Why? Why am I always left behind?

Almost as if hearing the screams from my heart, she picks up the life buoy and looks at it. Then, she looks at the sea again. Again, she looks at the life buoy. She seems deep in thought. She is thinking. Thinking if she should throw it to me perhaps. Fiddling with the life buoy, she deliberates, ignoring the perilous situation I am in.

She will throw it to me. Won't she?

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Dropping the life buoy, she walks away, I guess, for good, leaving me stranded, smashed into smithereens.

This time, I drown.

A Handful of Sand

It is almost like holding onto sand,
This relationship we share. Or perhaps,
It has been one-sided, after all.
When I hold loosely, everything
Just seems to slip out of my hand,
With nothing left behind. And yet,
if I hold on too tightly,it seems that
I'm squeezing out all that we have,
We share slowly but definitely surely.
So what should I do now?
Would you cup your hands with mine to prevent us from losing all?
Just say that you will hold on with me,
Just tell me you will stay. Don't leave and cast me away
As I desperately try to protect everything from slipping away.


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Unintentional sonnet, it just came out this way...

Still dreaming?

A shout stirs me from sinking stupor.

A shout. But from who? Would it be you? Can it be you?

Is it really from you?

There, I hear it again. It is a shout, a shout undeniably from you. But I don't know if you are shouting for me. I cannot hear what you are shouting for. I'm hoping it is for me, for me to survive and for me to be by your side. It has to be. Am I wrong?

I have to be correct. Don't I?

Beaten and broken, lost and forsaken, I scavenge what remains of me, if any. I hold tremulously and tenderly the little, flimsy hope that she is calling out to me.

No one, but me.

Just a dream?

I am paddling in a boat. Alone. I am trying to paddle to the shore where I see you standing.

You. You are standing at the shore. You're looking at me. No. Even that I cannot be sure. You may be looking at me, or you may be looking at the distant horizons.

I am trying to paddle to the shore. The shore that you are standing on. The tides push me back, punishing me, preventing me from bridging the distance.

I push back even harder, paddling even stronger. Dare I venture to say with a power Hercules would be awestruck by. Every muscle in my body bellows with rage, single-mindedly inching the gap smaller.

I draw closer to the shore but you still seem to not have noticed me. I scream to gain your attention but I am met with nothing.

With each scream met with indifference, the waves seem to get powered up. Every muscle fiber trembles but I do not give up. I do not dare to give up. I do not want to give up.

Slowly,I get overpowered. I am swallowed whole by a last tidal wave. But all this time you do not notice me. Or, perhaps, you have chosen to ignore me.

I lose my boat and my paddle. I am beaten and broken. Every muscle is torn,ripped into pieces.

My heart crumbles and I break down. But all this time you still are preoccupied by something else.

I sink.

JUST a haunted character

Can you just stay and stop going away?
Have you not been told I'm selfish
And hate standing far at bay?
Really, can you not touch my anguish
Mocked by your leaves and absence
Aggravated by your wavering presence?
In all pretense of realities, you may
Not acknowlege my being, much less
Esteem my feelings. Isn't it wrong to say so?

'Cause I have already done a redemption with my
Heart and i do hope you give me for its worth
Unless perhaps it no longer has any value?
Nay, just as you deny not a man of his just pay
Give to me for all of my love I'm willing to lay.